Or everything you never knew you always wanted.
?People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that?s what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.?
? Elizabeth Gilbert
People love to say things like, when you meet your soulmate you will just know. As if that one moment in time will define your life and you will never wonder again. But how?
My heart breaks for anyone feeling lonely. Whether you have been single for years or are in a long-term relationship, loneliness happens. Lack of genuine connection can leave you feeling as if you are living on a deserted island, with no one to turn to.
Maybe you never meet anyone interesting. Maybe your partner doesn?t get you so you feel alone in a relationship. Maybe you have lost someone you love.
It doesn?t matter, it is all the same pain. We all crave a real connection. And it is what we deserve.
Let?s Start With What a Soulmate Isn?t
They Don?t Complete a Checklist
There is a danger in having requirements when looking for love. If you are focused on exterior characteristics like appearance, money, career or location, then you may be missing some pretty valuable people. A soulmate is unexpected.
It Isn?t Just Attraction
It all starts with attraction. Something draws us to another person. But often that initial spark is lust. Don?t trust it. Period. You can be totally enthralled with people who turn out to be an awful match. Attraction happens. It can feel like an irresistible pull. But this is just one factor in any relationship. Being swept off your feet is for Hollywood movies. The real factors that make a relationship not just survive, but thrive lie deeper than just physical attraction.
A Soulmate Isn?t a Shortcut
Relationships take effort and they need time to grow. Connection develops over time. So does trust. We are all still human beings with a past full of experiences that have taught us to be cautious. Just like you, your soulmate may show up bearing the scars of past pain or learned responses. Every relationship, no matter how good, needs the benefit of time to build rapport and trust. No partnership is completely free of conflict. But in a deeply connected relationship, the challenge is always overcome with love.
But it Isn?t Painful Either
When you are in a real soul-deep relationship, you don?t feel criticized. You don?t have to be anyone other than yourself. You can say the most embarrassing things and never feel as if they think less of you. When you are with a soulmate, you simply don?t feel judged for who you truly are.
So, What is a Soulmate?
Quite simply, a soulmate is the person who ?gets? you. Somehow, they make sense of all the little pieces of you. We tend to make relationships complicated. But the fact is, when you are in the wrong relationship it is obvious. You are insecure. You feel ill at ease. You hesitate before you respond because you might say the wrong thing. You hide pieces of yourself to make someone else happy.
When you find a soulmate that all disappears. You find someone who holds up a mirror and says look, you are pretty amazing. Let?s do stuff together and let?s get more amazing together.
1. You Feel It
When they walk in the room, you feel different. There is a connection that lights you up, unlike any other. The excitement is electric. It is chemistry, sexuality, love and connection. And you feel it down to your soul.
2. It is Communication Without Words
You just feel like they understand. It can be your slightest reaction, a shared look, a knowing glance. And you just know they get it.
3. You Laugh
A soulmate is a best friend. It is someone who can make you feel light, even in the heaviest moments.
4. It is a Shared Future
They talk about the future and you are in it. Simple as that.
5. You Feel Valued
They compliment you in surprising ways. Aspects of your personality that you think are just normal make your soulmate light up. It is loving in a way you have never felt before.
6. You Don?t Edit
With a true soulmate, you don?t have to watch every word that comes out of your mouth for fear of offending your partner. They assume you mean well. Your intentions are never suspect. And if you are wrong, they call you on your shit. And you feel secure enough in the relationship to have that conversation and still feel loved.
7. You Are on Their Mind
Even when you aren?t together, you don?t feel alone. They go out of their way to connect, to listen to your problems, to make you feel valued every day. You don?t have to wonder where you stand. It is at the center of their world.
8. There Are No Threats to the Partnership
There is a basic respect for each partner?s need for independence. No one feels threatened by separate interests or friendships. Life is better together because each person has their freedom.
9. They Are All In
Maybe in past relationships you felt like you had to fix everything. The wrong relationship is like finding the perfect piece of land and starting to build a castle. Soon you realize that you brought all the bricks and dug the foundation?but you are standing in a field alone. With a soulmate, everyone shows up with a brick.
10. There is a Before and After
Your life just looks different with them in it. And it isn?t because you finally have a plus-one. It is because in this relationship, you are becoming a better version of yourself.
Your soulmate is the person who values you most by seeing you for who you are. They lift you up. Just being in their presence makes you feel excited, lighter, more energetic.
It is not just unconditional love, but unconditional acceptance. Nothing is easier than saying I love you. Words are easy. It is only through our actions, through our support of one another that we show how we truly feel.
Your soulmate is the person who stand by your side at your best moments cheering you on. And it is the same person standing by your side during your most tragic failures, helping you fix the mess. You never doubt, for a single second that one person in this world has your back, no matter what. That is who you are looking for.